ENM Study Club: Clocking, Flagging, Coming Out

Are you looking to learn new skills to help you build better non-monogamous relationships? Do you want to get new ideas and perspectives from other ENM folks on the challenges you are facing? Are you excited to nerd out about relationships? Join us!

Let’s learn together via a monthly, group-driven discussion. Each month we’ll look up resources pertaining to an ENM topic: readings, podcasts, even Reddit threads, and unpack what we’ve found. At the end we will take suggestions for next month's topic. Think of a cross between a book club and a support group; we’ll seek out new tools and techniques relevant to the attendees’ challenges.

After each meeting, everyone is invited to stay for free-form social time.

We meet at 7 PM on the first Tuesday of each month. If you can't make the in-person event, you can attend remotely. Everyone is welcome, regardless of familiarity with non-monogamy. A $5 donation is suggested, but NOTAFLOF.

The suggested donation was reduced thanks to the lower costs of our new venue!

Topic (November 2026)

How do you spot people who are poly? How do they know that you are? For reference --

Clocking: identifying that someone else is part of a subculture or identity group, without explicitly asking them.

Flagging: surreptitiously signaling to others that you are part of such a group without verbal communication and possibly avoiding the attention of others.

Coming out: verbally and explicitly telling people you're non-monogamous.

Resources

Make suggestions in the event chat, and I’ll edit them into this list!

Getting There

Our new location is at the First Unitarian Church of Oakland. Enter on 14th Street, just east of the historic church doors - there is a small plaza recess and a set of glass doors. One of our own team will be waiting there for you to guide you up.

Although our gracious hosts are labeled a church, UU Oakland is not an expressly Christian religious organization with regressive views on non-monogamy or queer identities. Please know that we take the safety of our members seriously, including religious trauma. If the venue brings you any discomfort, please let us know.

The venue is about an 8 minute walk from 12th St. BART station.

Zoom Link

Posted closer to the event.

Food and Drink

You may bring anything you feel like, but, please clean up after yourself. No alcohol is permitted on site.

There are local restaurant options in Uptown near Broadway.

Feedback

We’d love to hear from you! You can reach out via the following:

• Our feedback form
• enmstudyclub@gmail.com
• In person at the event or a happy hour

Safety and Privacy

These events are intended to encourage safe, honest, and vulnerable conversation between strangers. Keep identifying info or personal stories within the group. Participants are encouraged to exercise best judgment and speak up for best standards around homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, xenophobia, racism, and all manner of otherings.

Recording and transcription devices are not allowed, in order to protect the privacy of attendees. We do not record the Zoom stream. AI devices are prohibited; please make all best efforts to disable any such devices before the meeting begins.

This is not a place to cruise for hookups. No jerks.